Is it even possible?

This fall has been really hard.  I've been struggling to balance all the kids' different needs and am ashamed to admit that I think I'm failing.  There are days where the only one on one time my kids get with me is homework help and diaper changes.  O doesn't need either one of those so I guess he's out of luck.  There have been afternoons where the twins have spent multiple hours in their car seats as I run from pre school pick up to elementary school pick up to occupational therapy. People reassure me that the twins won't remember and that I'm doing the best I can, but I'll remember and I know they deserve better than to sit in the car for 3 hours twice a week.  

I recently saw the hashtag "collect memories".  It seriously brought tears to my eyes.  I started this blog as an attempt to do just that.  Collect precious tidbits, pictures, and my impressions of this time. I know I can't get it back.  I just can't seem to find the time to post.

I'm sacrificing sleep for time alone.  Instead of getting the sleep I NEED to function I'm staying awake reading so the introvert side of me gets the quiet space I NEED to function. I can't win.

I crave simplicity.  I need it to be my happiest.  My calendar does not look simple.  It looks full. This does not make me my happiest.

All of this to say that I need to figure out how simplicity looks with five kids.  Is that even possible?  We seemed to be in such a good place last year and now everything seems so hectic.  I'm not sure what changed, but I'm going to spend this weekend thinking about how to get back there.