Resolution

 

 

New Years Resolutions used to be a list of goals. The trend lately has been to choose a word or phrase. Your choice is supposed to serve as a focus or mantra for the upcoming year.  In the past I've chosen Simplify, Joy, and Creativity. My words have served me well and I can still pinpoint habits that have come from them. This year I've struggled to pick something. That isn't to say that I don't have goals or things I'd like to work on, but as far as a focus for the year nothing stood out. Then I read this:

 

 

 

I adore being home with my kids.  I love being there for all their firsts and watching them grow. I know that being home with them is a luxury and I'll be  forever thankful for this time. I'm happy to be "behind the scenes" keeping things running smoothly at home so Frank can do his job well.  I love raising my kids and I can see them growing into such wonderful and amazing people, but I struggle with feeling like I'm not enough. There is always this tiny nagging voice in the back of my head that says things like "Is THIS what God really wants from you?" "How does gluing googley eyes onto a sock puppet help others?"  I watch Frank go to work and I know, without uncertainty, that he is making a difference.  I hear Tana talk about her school and I have no doubt that she is impacting her students' lives.  They are both using their spiritual gifts and their impact is immeasurable. While laundry and diapers are necessary they certainly aren't noble.

 

This year I resolve to shut that voice down.  I AM enough and what I do matters.  I resolve to find the sanctity in the everyday. Most importantly I resolve to remember that I was chosen, by God, to mother these specific children.  How lucky am I that He is using me as a tool? What my childrens' journeys require is a mama that mops floors and cleans playrooms over and over. I can't think of more holy tasks and I'm blessed to do them.

 

Hair

We've had two hair milestones this month...

1. PIGGIES!!!!! 

Laurel's hair is finally long enough for pig tails and I cannot stand the cuteness.  I could however, do without the drama that fixing her hair entails.
 

 

2. First haircuts! 

 

Both babies were in need of a little trim (in reality they both had awful mullets) so on a whim I decided to give them haircuts.  I was surprised by how well they turned out. Laurel's is a little uneven, but with her curls you can't tell.  

 

 

My sweet mullet free babies!

 

Dance

I recently started taking the twins to a baby dance class. It's really more of a music, singing, movement mash up but I guess they decided to keep the title simple.

Predictably, Laurel LOVES it!  Check out these moves:

 

 

 

 

Rhodes enjoys it but he's not as... enthusiastic as his sister.

 

 

 

I've enjoyed watching them and seeing their completely different reactions has made me smile.  Maybe little Rhodes will surprise me and actually stand up this week. 



 

 

 



Second Guessing

On Wednesday Laurel and Rhodes were scheduled for their 15 month well check. Both babies have terrible colds so they didn't get the 3 shots usually given at this appointment, but we did get to talk about developmental milestones.  As a former early childhood teacher I could talk about milestones all day.  I have loved watching all my babies grow, but the twins have been especially interesting. They have been a concrete example that all babies develop in their own way. In the past I really enjoyed my singletons' well checks.  Even though I had my share of worries (G's speech and W's nutritional needs), the conversations focused on the positive and were genuinely helpful. Unfortunately, this visit didn't follow that pattern.

Now before we get into the nitty gritty about why this visit irked me I have to be honest. The medical assistant set me off and I never recovered. She started the visit by calling for La' Rel and Rose to come back. I laughed and corrected her, but I could tell she wasn't listening. When she asked me to get them ready for weight checks she got L's name right, but kept calling Rhodes "Rose".  When I corrected her again she told me that because they were identical she kept getting mixed up.  Really? Identical? My blue eyed boy looks just like my brown eyed girl? Fine. Whatever. She called my sweet boy "Rose" every. single. time. And every time she said "Rose" I'd say "you mean Rhodes?" and she'd smile and say "yes, her". O.M.G. 

Deep Breath... Moving on...

Before every visit we are asked to complete a checklist about what our child/children can do.  There are questions about what words they are using, if they can stack blocks, if they are pulling up or walking, etc. The pediatricians use this to facilitate our conversation.  When the twins were tiny I had to mark "not yet" on almost all of the questions.  They were premature and the checklists weren't adjusted for this.  I have to admit that even though I knew the checklists were inappropriate it was still a little disconcerting. As the twins have grown I've had to check "not yet" less and less. The gap between their adjusted age and actual age is growing smaller and I arrived at this appointment ready for some celebrating.  Unfortunately, I left this appointment feeling awful and with a referral for "Rose" to be evaluated for physical therapy.

We couldn't see our usual pediatrician so our visit was with a nurse practitioner I was unfamiliar with.   After brief introductions she handed me several sheets of paper and told me she'd noticed that the babies were behind in both speech and gross motor skills.  The handouts were full of activities that would help in these specific areas. Also included was a list of physical therapists I could use to evaluate Rhodes since he wasn't walking yet. Even though I am very educated about child development and am confident about my mothering I left that appointment worried about Rhodes.  I sent a flurry of texts asking my friends when their babies walked and asking for my husband's opinion. I worried I'd missed something and wasn't getting Rhodes needed intervention. I came home and immediately started googling.  I stewed and worried.

That night I watched Rhodes playing in the kitchen. With great concentration he was working to put plastic cookies into a coffee cup.  With every cookie he placed he'd look up to see if I saw his success.  In that moment I was able to get perspective.  Rhodes is fine.  The nurse practitioner was in a rush and used one tool available to her. I have no issue with the handouts or the referral she passed on to me.  I think it's great that she is trying to give parents concrete ideas and point them in the direction of experts. What I do have an issue with is that these were given to me before she'd even examined the twins. She used an inappropriate checklist to make incorrect judgments about them.  She never looked back to see if they were premature (since most twins are), she never asked me how I felt about their development, she didn't look at when I'd completed the forms, and most importantly she had never even set eyes on the babies before making assumptions. Babies develop and change quickly and I'd completed the checklists over a month before that visit (we had to reschedule our original appointment due to the holidays). Laurel's language has exploded in that time.  She literally went from not saying any words to saying more than 5 consistently. That's a lot for a (adjusted) 14 month old! Rhodes' gross motor skills haven't changed much since I filled out the paperwork.  However, I don't feel it's inappropriate for a 16 month old, premature, boy to not be walking yet and I'd hazard a guess that most pediatricians would agree with me. 

I wish our experts would remember that their words have power.  Mothering is a most vulnerable position. These tiny people are our greatest works. We have dreamed of them, grown them, and quiet literally poured ourselves into them. Then, when the time calls for it, we present them to you.  It's your job to assess, critique, and measure.  We wait, with our breaths held, for your verdict.  We trust our experts and believe them. We need our doctors, therapists, nurses and teachers to be careful.  Please measure your words and be gentle.  Be thorough and wise. Your opinion is far reaching.