Being at this point in my life means I've learned a few little things:
1) I will never ever look good in skinny jeans.
2) Never leave home without a book.
3) Hard boiled eggs make your fridge smell like feet.
I've also learned a few big things. These are the hard won lessons that came from God and usually with many tears.
1) As my good friend Sabrina says "It doesn't cost anything to be kind". For many years I thought that kindness and strength were mutually exclusive. That the delivery of my message wasn't near as important as my message. That's simply not true. I've never once regretted softening my words and usually find that I get a better response/result if I come from a place of kindness. We all deserve kindness and grace and I do my best to approach others from this point of view.
2) Silence is OK. My former boss and friend, Julie, taught me that gaps in conversation don't always need to be filled. I've found that if I can get through the uncomfortable tension that what follows is usually profound and gets to the heart of whatever we're discussing. This has served me well in my marriage and in my relationship with my oldest son.
3) Most everything in life is gray. There is always a "but what about...?" even if it's not being said. Reducing everything down to a 'right or wrong 'point of view shuts down growth and makes it impossible to be anything other than judgmental.
4) I need God. I cannot do this life on my own. When I try I fail. If I look back on the times I really struggled it wasn't necessarily when something awful had happened but was when I was furthest from Him. These times were full of unease and anxiety. I felt like something was missing and I couldn't stop moving. Things would fall back into place once I adjusted my focus. Whenever I start feeling antsy I know I need to spend some time in prayer.
5) Women need women. My husband lost his sweet stepfather early in our marriage. After Joe's death we picked up his mom from the airport and drove her two hours home. She held it together the entire ride but fell apart as soon as she saw the friends who were waiting for her. She knew they understood and she felt safe. She could just be. It would be several years later before I could really understand the depth of that kind of friendship. My girlfriends and I have supported each other through the birth of children, the ups and downs of marriage, chronic and painful illnesses, and the struggle of keeping it together for our families. Our spirits understand and soothe each other with a depth that truly can only be a blessing from God. I'm so thankful that Laurel will grow up seeing these relationships.
Here's to always learning and to being on the better side of The Hill!
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