Seasons

It seems like every season has a theme.  This fall was acceptance.  I had to accept that life with five kids was going to be busier and require way more time in the car than I'd ever anticipated. Therapy appointments, preschool pick up and drop off, playdates, and various lessons and appointments all stacked up and at times threated to topple over and bury me. I am a nester.  I love nothing more than to be at home working on whatever project has caught my attention at the moment.  Hours can pass and I'll barely notice.  This fall God pushed me out of the nest.  I was forced to find contentment in circumstances that I didn't plan and didn't necessarily want.  After a very rough start I finally accepted the situation and adjusted.  I learned to carry a book and writers notebook with me at all times.  I found podcasts that the kids and I could enjoy together and much to their chagrin my love of singing has been renewed. Time in the car doesn't feel like a waste anymore.  It's full of conversation and laughter and has truly become a time I look forward to and enjoy.  Acceptance doesn't have to mean "giving in". This fall God taught me it can mean "being open"... Letting yourself see what you might learn or what else might make you happy. 

This spring I'm being given a big lesson in making the choice to let go.
Two children in the family are facing challenges that are truly painful for me to witness.  Oliver is finishing up his pre-kindergarten year at an amazing preschool.  His two older brothers and his older cousins all attended this school.  I trust the teachers and director implicitly.  We all agree that O has specific learning difficulties that make us fear a diagnosis of dyslexia will come at a later time.  After much research I know that I have him in every single intervention available for his age. I also know that our family is doing everything possible at home for him.  Now it is time for me to pray and give him time to grow.  I cannot do anything else for him.  As hard as it is I have to have faith and let the worry and obsessing go. One of my older kiddos is facing a challenge of a different kind.  I won't go into many details because I want to respect his privacy, but he has taken on this challenge himself.  He is taking a risk and putting himself in a very vulnerable situation.  I couldn't be prouder of the effort he is making, but I am full of anxiety.  I am doubtful that he will be successful and I am afraid of how his heart and spirit will break after such a failure.  As tempting as it is I would never ever dissuade him from trying.  Instead I'm choosing to take my adult perspective out of the situation and let my fear go.  I'm praying for him to have the strength to deal with whatever the outcome may be. I'm also praying that he will continue to follow his passions. What I'm realizing is that when I let my fear, anxiety, and worry go I'm making room for things like prayer, clarity, and perspective.  I make better decisions, I see people's intentions for what they really are, and I can take myself out of situations that really have nothing to do with me.  I can make more of an effort to act from a place of love and grace. I know that will make me such a better wife and mom.